Even before the birth of a daughter a mother is creating something special – a mother and daughter relationship. There is a transformation taking place between the mother and the child throughout her nine months of pregnancy. The maternal bonding starts to develop during the nine months of pregnancy and forming a special bond with her unborn child. The bonding chemistry is like no other bond or relationship a woman has ever experienced, it is a miracle of life she has brought forth in this world, and one she will always be connected with. A mother is not thinking how she can have a mother and daughter relationship, it happens instinctively. The mother produces a bonding chemistry known as oxytocin which is produced during lactation. The oxytocin chemical produced by the mother reduces anxiety with mom and child. A mother’s subconscious behavior to nurture her child is natural, and what emotions she has are stronger than words can express. After the birth of the child the special bond continues and develops emotionally and physically. The bonding chemistry is forming through all the senses of smell, touch, verbal and non-verbal cues, and taste. These precious moments are internalized by both mother and daughter, therefor the mother and daughter relationships forms.
A mother and daughter relationship is different than a mother and son relationship in that her purpose is to guide her daughter into becoming a woman. Daughter’s need a mother’s guidance and support in friendships, how to choose friends, and how to be a friend. In teaching her daughter in becoming a woman she passes on the joys of having a family and about love. If any of these components are missing from a healthy mother and daughter relationship then it becomes a dysfunctional mother and daughter relationship.
When you are young you idolize your mother, she is a goddess. You have dress up days where you are trying on her lipstick, jewelry, and heels. As you grow, your thoughts are to be just like mommy a wife, mother, or follow her working career. A daughter follows her mother’s cues, if she bakes – daughter wants to bake, if she is on the computer or on the phone – she mimics mom’s behavior. A daughter is forming her own interpretations of her mom in how she see’s her mom on a day by day basis.
Then it all comes to an eruption at age thirteen, when mom becomes the most ignorant and out of touch with the world. The daughter can’t get away fast enough from her mother, and the distancing begins. The hormones change, and the daughter who idolized her mom is embarrassed of mom’s dress, car, and mom’s whole presence. The young teen is wanting her space, wanting to become her own person. As she begins to grow up she will display displeasure in anything said or done by her mother and father. Most daughters turn against their mother’s and retaliate if any rules are put upon them. This behavior creates friction in the mother and daughter relationship for the duration of her teens and usually changes in her twenties.
It is very common for mother’s to misunderstand their daughters behavior. Mother’s may take it personal and not take into consideration of the biological changes that her daughter is going through. During the daughters rebellious stage things can be said, by the parents, out of pure frustrations. Because of the lack of awareness the parents criticism can affect the child’s self-worth. The parents will need to take the stance in their approach in narrowing the distance between mother and daughter. When there is not an understanding between both parties the disagreements, perspectives, and beliefs will carry into adulthood and continue their animosity for each other. However, some relationships miraculously change when the daughter is in her twenties and thirties, and another phase of mother and daughter relationship takes place.
If a woman does not heal her relationship with her mother she then will carry on the destruction in her own mother and daughter relationship. It is never too late to make amends, forgive, or just let go of the past to heal your relationship with your mother.